One of life’s many blessings that I cherish are those moments when I
am alone – not lonely, but alone – when I don’t have to meet people or
engage in any conversation whether with friends, acquaintances or
strangers: In other words, those rare precious times when I am truly
left to my own device.

I call this my going within time. Having nobody to talk to, argue
with, exchange or bounce off ideas with, get annoyed or upset at is
for me a great honour and privilege for it gives me an opportunity to
go within myself and get to know myself in ways that interacting with
other people does not.

Unlike a lot of people who would automatically switch on the
television or put on a DVD when they’re on their own, I have no need
for distractions, not even by my own wandering thoughts, day dreams or
ruminating about things. On the contrary, being alone allows me to be
still and enter a depth of being that every day life often prevents
one from doing.

So, what is it that I do when I’m on my own? Nothing much. But it’s
a nothing that I savour and relish with a sense of fullness and joy
without an ounce of boredom or ennui. What after all is boredom other
than the need to get away from yourself because you can’t stand having
to face yourself when there is no external distraction to take you
away from who you are?

Not doing anything (at least nothing that takes me away from myself)
other than enjoying the moment or doing little things that keep me in
the moment such as doing puzzles, finishing an inspiring book or doing
some physical exercises, is a terrific way of keeping myself balanced
and putting my life in perspective.

For a start, it is difficult to be unhappy, annoyed, impatient,
resentful or have similar negative feelings when you’re genuinely
enjoying your ‘me’ time – at least for me anyway – simply because the
person, also known as the ego, that likes to feel these things when
confronted with external issues and other people, is suddenly not
around or at any rate not welcome during this quiet time.

The ego can only raise its ugly little head when it has to face the
world, most of the time to control it or scare it off. When it’s
alone however, when it has to look at itself in the mirror, it either
frightens itself by its own ugliness or gets embarrassed and conceals
itself until it meets other egos to compete or get in conflict with.

Hence, bereft of my mischievous ego, with its mulling over the past
and worrying about the future not to mention endless opinions and
constant need to think things over, judge every circumstance and other
people, I find a tremendous sense of calm and relief.

How fun and light everything is. The incessant rain outside beating
against the window far from giving thoughts of floods and other
inconveniences sounds fascinating to the ears. When I feel
comfortable in my own body, accepting of my being and not pulled this
way and that way by my thoughts, for some reason everything becomes
interesting and nothing is frightening.

This is because the ego is not around to make mental judgment, attach
label or pull out all sorts of past references to project them to
whatever it is it’s faced with.

Many people cannot stand being on their own for any length of time and
go out of their way to avoid it because they are attached to their ego
and being alone for too long without distraction and forced to examine
their thoughts and feelings is at best unpleasant and boring and at
worst painful because the ego cannot withstand self examination.

An ego that is forced to look at itself soon finds itself diminished
in capacity and ceases to have relevance. And what that happens what
remains is our true selves, who we really are. And this we can only
find if we go within ourselves, past the ego, past those layers of
stale thoughts and random thinking until we reach our original,
creative and joyful self.

This is why I like being alone. It makes me feel alive.
(March 2009)