If you have ever seen the play, ‘The Vagina Monologues’, you will know it is based on a variety of women’s experiences of life – including rape, shame, pleasure and sex. You will know the script is moving, sometimes sad, sometimes angry (boring too, at times). It is also funny. Like the story about the girl who dares not look ‘down there’ with a mirror. Or the one about the poor dear who is aged 80-something before she has her first orgasm. And how there are so many words for vagina, in so many languages, just to say ‘it’ without saying it. Yes, there are lots of stories in the play (written by Eve Ensler, translated into 45 languages now, and available from various publishers). But I always thought there was one particular story missing – the one about trying to buy a book about sex.

Now, I’m not talking about a sexy book – you know, where you love to run your hand down the spine of the book. Or you ache from the feel of the paper between your fingers. Or you feel faint from the smell of the printing ink. Or you long for that ‘high’ when you go to bed with a really good book, only to finish it and then find yourself back in your own room. No, that’s just Book Lover’s Sex.

I’m talking books about sex. Where you can learn more.

In my local bookstore, there are no such books and I was just too embarrassed to ask. What would I say to the cashier? ‘Excuse me, do you know ‘The Joys of Sex’?’ Or ‘Pardon me, I’m looking to learn more about sex. Can you help?’ Or perhaps, ‘Mas, gue ada Rp78,000. Cukup nggak?’

I remember there was Madonna’s book, ‘SEX’. But that was just lots of black and white photos, with models pretending to make out. I didn’t learn much, except that Madonna was willing to do things with coca-cola bottles that most pop stars aren’t. And before I continue, let me just say that I’m not talking about pornography. (Not that I have a big problem with this heavily cliticized, sorry criticized, genre of modern fiction. It’s just that more often than not, porn is just too obvious and not very interesting.) I don’t even mean ‘erotica’, those milder, thinking person’s stories about sex that hover somewhere in politer society above porn but below literature.

I really just mean a book about sex. Where I can learn more.

Maybe if the title sounded ‘medical’, then I could feel neutral and not too shy to walk up to the counter and pay for the book. But what would it be called – ‘The Medical Examiner’s Guide to Sex’? Ewww. Reminds me of difficult visits to the gynaecologist. No, the book title must be subtle. Like, ‘Advice on How to Improve Sensuality’. But that sounds like a book about candles or something. The title must not suggest that I am a nymphomaniac. (Not that I have a big problem with this either, but well, I’m just too old now. But please note, I’m also well educated. I know how to spell nymphomaniac.) The simple truth is, I would like a book about sex. So please, tell me! Whether you are a biologically born or made woman or man – have you ever bought a book about sex at your local bookstore? If you have, what was it like and was it any good?